By Christina Etienne, Project MyStory Blogger
For me, the idea of starting over was one big ambiguous cloud hanging over my head. There were so many ways to approach it. I could’ve attacked it head on or tried to push it away out of sight. But embracing it seemed like the most obvious option. At the start of my freshman year in college, I thought starting over would’ve been easy. This was my opportunity to re-invent myself, create Christina 2.0. But embracing the cloud was a lot harder than I thought. There were so many other factors that the cloud brought along with itself for me to handle. In the end I had to acknowledge that although the idea of starting over offered such great optimistic promises of new beginnings, it came with a giant flashing proceed with caution sign. Not exactly the fantasy I had hoped for, but it gave me the slap of reality I needed.
Since transfers have to go through this process two times over, I wanted to hear their input of what starting over meant to them. Isabella, a sophomore says that the most annoying part [of starting over]was that no matter what you do, it won’t be easy one way or another. I explained to her my theory and asked for her thoughts. “I don’t really think it’s as ambiguous as you make it seem.” She tells me. “I think we all know what starting over is, we just don’t want to admit to ourselves how bad it’s going to be. It’s just easier to tell yourself it’s going to be great.”
“Is it really that bad?” I asked her.
“No, I’m just being dramatic. As a transfer, yeah, I think it’s harder for us, but it’ll get better after a couple of weeks. You just gotta’ settle in.” Isabella tells me.
That was enough for me to change my theory. I thought back on what she said, and I realized that I had been lying to myself. I think that we all want to start over optimistically even though in the back of heads we’ll know it won’t be so simple. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with a little delusion. It keeps us hopeful, and hope can keep anyone moving forward no matter how rough things get.
Christine Etienne is a UAlbany Sophomore.