Thursday September 29th is another sad day to add to the list of many. Today I don’t have much to say because, I am at a point where I feel as though I am about to break. I am at a point where I no longer know what to say. For everyone who has lost a loved one this week, month, year, whenever. Understand that you can’t hold onto that pain all your life. You have to learn to let go.
Today, being September 29th, I am struggling with being able to walk out of my room, with that HAPPY mask I am always wearing. Today being September 29th, I am struggling with speaking to anyone, and letting people know what’s going on with me. Today, on September 29th I am ready to let everything go.
I have dealt with losing so many people in my life, I am at a point where I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to forget all the things I had to go through, which have made me stronger than I ever thought I would be. It’s hard dealing with the idea that you might actually be alone. You could be someone who is surrounded by friends, and family members, and feel like you are breaking bone by bone. Realizing that everyone doesn’t handle pain the same, is something that others need to understand.
I have lost my great grandmother, my grandfather, my best friend, my childhood friend, a family friend, and an ex-boyfriend. Dealing with losing so many special people, is extremely hard for me. I cover things up a lot to make it seem as though I am strong every hour of the day, but in reality I am falling apart more and more. It’s hard. All I can say is it is hard.
It is hard to wake up and know you no longer can talk to that person. That you no longer can go to them and express how you truly feel. Because who knew you more than they did? They were the person you went to for everything, who you expressed your emotions too. And now you wake up and get a call, or hear that they are no longer here to share those moments with you.
Stop trying to convince yourself, that you can handle anything. Learn to be okay with crying, and realizing that you can’t control everything that happens in life. It doesn’t matter if it makes you look weak. What matters is that you are learning how to deal with it.
Today on September 29th I have decided that I have to let go. I know we hate to believe it, but everything happens for a reason. Like the saying goes God gives his toughest battles, to his strongest soldiers. Right now I am facing a battle that I don’t want to fight, but I know that God is with me and everything will turn out alright. Like J. Cole states ” things change rearrange and so do I, it ain’t always for the better I can’t lie”. So understand that things in life won’t always stay the same. Though there might be changes we don’t want to face, those changes can happen anytime of the day, negative or positive. Death and absence of a loved one in your life, is always hard to deal with. But don’t keep the burden all to yourself, learn to let go and God will handle the rest.
Remember to live in peace, love, and happiness. I’ll see you guys next time.
Anastasia W. Class of 2018 Major: English Minor: Psychology Blog Theme: Patience, Love & Acceptance
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Some Campus Resources for Those Dealing with Loss
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